Release Pressure & Expectations when Dating in Boston
Rarely do people meet our exact expectations…right?
When you build up how it should be, or what they should do, or what they should say — you can only be disappointed because you don’t have full control over how someone else acts and shows up.
This is where I see many people placing too much focus in their dating lives — attaching a pressure and expectation that stifles the fun and curiosity that dating inherently is.
It’s better to work with the curiosity and potential of dating, versus try to control everything about it.
When you try to control it or put a ton of pressure/expectation on it — dating will likely rebel against you and make it a hell of a lot harder and frustrating.
The more that you can release the pressure and expectations you’re attaching to dating, the energy you’re approaching dating with will drastically shift and then…
You show up lighter and less attached to the outcome
You can appreciate each experience
You have more fun (!!!)
You meet more interesting people because you’re more open
People become drawn to you because there’s just something about someone who knows who they are and is enjoying every experience
If you find yourself attaching pressure + expectations to your dating life currently, here’s a few strategies to get started shifting this today:
1. Release your pressure and expectations for the next 1 month.
When you show up to dating, eliminate any pressure/expectations you’re attaching to where it will go or if that person is the right person for you. Instead, focus on setting your own intention each time you go on a date or have a conversation. Do you want to walk away having practiced body language? Feminine energy? Asking a vulnerable question? Having fun??!!
Attaching a 1 month timeline to this gives your brain comfort and doesn’t seem too unfamiliar or long (it’s more of a fun experiment you’re trying out). When you place the focus back on what you can learn during the experience, you’re going to walk away from every experience feeling like you’ve progressed (regardless of how the other person is).
2. Create a list of reminders for your brain. All human beings brains have a negativity bias, and so you’ll likely find it easier to start thinking about what could go wrong or all the bad things that may happen if this experience doesn’t live up to your expectations.
Creating your own personal reminder list to hang up or have written in the Notes app in your phone is powerful when you find yourself in an expectations or pressure loop.
I get into exactly how to create your own reminder list in today’s podcast episode (links below), but you’ll want to focus on the potential of what could happen/could go right! A few of my favorites I recommend are “I could meet my person this week” and “There’s amazing people around me all the time who would love to date me”. These are going to be different for everyone, so take the time to create your own personal reminders and look at them daily.
3. Track your appreciation daily.
Every time you leave a date or walk away from a conversation (if you’ve started meeting people in person since joining the most recent masterclass!), pull out the Notes app on your phone and track what you can appreciate about that experience.
Did you follow through with your intention? Share a story you’ve never shared before? Hold eye contact a little bit longer than you normally would? Give someone your number when it felt super scary?!
Start tracking what you can appreciate, and all the progress you have made. Our brains forget a lot and tend to skew negative — so the more reminders and track records you have of what did go well and what’s going right, the better. You’re training your brain to see the good, the opportunity, and how much you’ve grown.
This week is the last week to grab the How To Meet People In Person 90 min masterclass at the special start of summer price — price will increase on Monday. When you sign up today, you receive instant access so can get started right away!
If you’d like expand your dating life, get good at striking up conversations, transitioning to first dates, and feel CONFIDENT and AT EASE while doing it — definitely click below to join the masterclass on…
When you sign up, you will learn + discover:
Top mistakes men and women make when trying to meet people in person -- and what to do instead
The 3 tiers of best places to meet men and women — and how to use each of these tiers to your advantage
Why dating people you meet in person will allow you to date more intentionally + effectively
Michelle's 5 step process on how to strike up conversations + gauge if someone is interested in you (without being awkward/creepy)
How to transition from a casual conversation to asking someone on a date
How to begin shifting your fear of rejection and release pressure around in person conversations
Create your unique strategy to build more confidence around in person conversations
Integration exercises to begin putting everything you learn to practice in your everyday life!
Optional integration phone call with Michelle after the masterclass for personalized coaching + support