My last “freak out” moment while dating

I’m a big fan of having a ‘freak out moment’ early on in a relationship.

These moments allow you to see how your partner responds, prioritizes, and supports you when things aren’t that great.

A ‘freak out moment’ is a moment in time where you’re not at your best due to something happening in your life - you’re worried, sad, stressed, and/or angry and you ALLOW the opportunity for your partner to show up for you.

My last ‘freak out moment’ was 3 months into dating my boyfriend.

It was super early on a Thursday morning…and I just received a phone call that left me feeling scared and felt the tears swelling up in my eyes.

My first thought was —

‘He’s probably sleeping, I don’t want to bother him. Maybe I’ll just tell him the next time I see him.’

But then I thought about what I truly needed and wanted in that moment.

I truly needed and wanted support and someone to hug me.

So I called him, he answered, and he came over right away.

He listened. He hugged me. He let me cry without trying to make me stop. He asked what he could do to help.

I felt safe. I felt comforted. I felt seen.

Now I’ve also had ‘freak out moments’ in other relationships that didn’t have the best result.

The person didn’t show up.

They told me to not worry about it.

They dismissed how I was feeling.

And it revealed A LOT about that person and how they prioritized (or didn’t prioritize) the relationship.

The other day I was on a call with one of my private clients — let’s call her Natalie.

Natalie is in a newer relationship and found herself fearing the unknown of what’s to come.

Everything had been really great up until this point, but how was she supposed to know that something won’t go wrong 6 months in, 1 year in, 5 years in?

You’re never going to be able to fully predict how the future will unfold — but you can prepare yourself as much as possible by providing opportunities for your partner to display their character, how they show up, how they make you feel, and so much more.

Allowing your partner to show different sides of how they respond and handle a variety of circumstances is an indicator of how they will handle stressful times and/or conflict in the future.

Maybe you let them see you super stressed and scared.

Or you share something with them that’s been really hard for you to get through.

Or you are vulnerable in a way you’ve never been before.

You ask them to be there for you when it’s not that convenient.

Maybe you bring up a need of yours that you’ve never expressed before.

Everyone’s ‘freak out moment’ will look different. And it will reveal a lot about your partner and how they handle a variety of different life situations that are important to you.

Do they shut down?

Do they make an excuse?

OR do they show up when it’s inconvenient?

Do they allow you to feel seen and understood? Do they allow you to feel supported?

Although you can’t fully predict what will or won’t happen 6 months in, 1 year in, 5 years in — you can build internal assurance that you’ll be able to handle whatever comes your way in the relationship by stacking up the evidence of their response + approach through previous tough situations.